bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
