i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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