we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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