Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
