Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sex in a hospital.. check
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
