you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i dont even know how to be here
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
