I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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