Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
