The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
