I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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