I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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