As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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