You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
