He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
