mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You are a genius and a whore.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
