we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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