I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
