glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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