the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
