I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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