he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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