we have pet lesbian snakes
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
