I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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