and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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