I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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