you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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