There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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