Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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