I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
