So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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