I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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