Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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