He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
