Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.

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(949): View more from California

Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.

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(406): View more from Montana

Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.

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