and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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