my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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