and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize