i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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