brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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