Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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