I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have fence marks all over my body
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
