I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize