I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
