Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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