cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
