I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
