True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
