that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
