I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
