My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
