I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
