can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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