i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
