are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
