Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
