I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Houston, we have a squirter
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
