The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
