i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
