plz talk dirty to me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
