i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
