My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
