My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
