I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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