dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
