thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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