Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
