i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
