he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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