I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
