my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
