Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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