Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish I could teleport
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
