Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
