i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
