How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
