So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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