Where is the hickey?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
