I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
