Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
