I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am naked and annoyed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
