i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
only you would photoshop your dick
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
