my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
