i permit you to call me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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