living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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