but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it's like iHOP with fire
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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