i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
