I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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