hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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