I am puke
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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