FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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