you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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