conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
