so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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