He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
