Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
