TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
