dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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