Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
