Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
