This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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