last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He felt like a one man threesome
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Less talking, more tequila
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize