DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
