watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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