I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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