I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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